When Im asked about the number one tip for making relationships successful, understanding your values stands out as a clear winner. Particularly, understanding non-negotiable requirements in a relationship are essential.
According to David Steele of the Relationship Coaching Institute, requirements are the deal breakers in a marriage. For example, monogamy is a deal breaker and requirement for many people. In addition to values that are requirements (non-negotiable), there are also needs that must be met. Needs are things that you really want to have, however, you would not end a relationship if they are not there.
Too many unmet needs however, can end up with a relationship failure.
For example, some professional women have a strong belief in maintaining egalitarianism in the household. They have the expectation that women and men will both have careers, share in domestic tasks, etc.
Time and time again, I see the scenario where the partner in the honeymoon phase of courting puts his/her best face forward to share how open-minded and egalitarian they are. Yes honey, I will support your career, cook for you, and help take care of the children when we have them. When reality hits and they are living together for several years, suddenly the partners work stress prevents him/her from remembering to put the dirty glasses in the dishwasher, the laundry piles up, and/or there is resentment for not getting a home cooked meal like good ole mom used to provide.
Too many unmet needs such as these can add tremendous stress to a relationship. A thorough inspection of your own values can help you maintain a healthy relationship.
For tips and tools you can use for understanding your relationship values, feel free to contact Neera Puri at http://www.bayareacoach.com
For more tips and tools on relationship success, visit http://www.bayareacoach.com
Dr. Neera Puri is a psychologist and life coach with many self help tips for relationship success.
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